I have a paper due on the fifteenth. As a pose to writing it as I had planned this evening, I am sitting on my couch, Facebook stalking my friends (and family for that matter). Now, I'm not really a creepy person, but I miss people and generally get curious as to what is going on in their lives. Since everyone (and their brother) seems to have a Facebook account these days and broadcasts everything about themselves on it, why not have a little peek? If they didn't want me to read and/or look at their stuff, then they shouldn't have posted it online.
Anyway, in stalking past classmates, I have determined that instead of piercing your belly button as we did in high school, ladies my age are into having babies. Yes, babies are cute and cuddly and fun to play with, until they start crying, pooping, and slobbering everywhere. And once you birth your own, the luxury of calling momma over to take the messy little bundle of joy away, completely disappears. You've gotta deal with that little person for the rest of your life. Apparently every one of my female peers seems to think caring for and taking responsibility for someone else's life is just like playing house.
Having a baby, is not like playing house. They eat a lot (which takes money). They poop a lot, which takes diapers (which takes money). They do sleep a lot, but not for long periods of time. They grow fast, needing new clothes constantly (which takes money). They develop into little people and start wanting toys (which takes money). Do you kind of see where I am headed with this? Babies are expensive, and being a child of a couple of great parents, I know, parents never completely stop helping their children out financially.
The money thing, I can handle. It's the emotional drain that I'm terrified of. I can hardly keep my thoughts straight, how in the world am I supposed to help a kid figure out his/her thoughts? I don't even know where to begin to aid in my child's mental development. I'm scared I'll do something completely wrong and royally screw up my kid for the rest of it's life. Just that deep, incredible responsibility is just absolutely too much for me to even wrap my mind around; I can't even really put it in to words.
If I'm not ready, how can my peers be ready?
Some time in the future, yes, I do plan on having a couple of kids. But not for a very long time and not after thorough consideration. I know that children light up the lives of their parents and one can never know unconditional love until they know the love of their child. Honestly, I can't wait for that. However, my rational, practical mind is telling me otherwise. So, I will achieve all that I can in reaching that next chapter of my life. Hopefully by the time I get there, I'll be ready.
Its not a easy task, and I in no way was prepared for Hailey. While I love her dearly and I wouldn't take her back for anything I wish I was older. It of course was not a planned pregnancy and it took me some getting use to. It really does take some getting use to, but once you get into the swing of things its ok. I get what ya mean though. I knew what I was in for but you never truly know until the child is here.
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