More

I should really write more. Writing used to be my outlet, a way for me to get onto paper (or any medium) my feelings and troubles. I've neglected that here recently and I'm almost starting to wonder if it has contributed to my diminishing good mood.
Ever since spring break about a month ago, I've been stressed to the maximum, without any time or the means to completely de-stress. What's worse is the fact that the one person I thought I could rely on, isn't turning out to be very reliable; especially when it comes to my emotions.
I don't know what to do. I really just need a break and I haven't been able to catch one. I need good days soon, or I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose it.

School, Work, Life

I've really gotta get better at this blogging thing. 

Has anyone ever really described how hard it is to be a college student living on your own? Well, even I get a little help from my parents and it's still difficult. 

I'm taking 18 credit hours this semester. It's the first semester I've had that many classes. I'm completely overwhelmed by school work and just when I think I'm getting myself all caught up, a new week starts and I repeat the blasted cycle. Plus my classes are my core major classes, so  it's not like I can half-ass anything. The only think I really have going for me at this point is I'm totally loving every class I'm in. I'm learning so much valuable information. It makes me super excited about my career choice. I can't wait to graduate. Which is the main reason why I'm taking so many credit hours to begin with. I want to finish my education so, so badly.

But what about work, you wonder. Well, let me tell you, it's a catch 22 right now in that area of my life. I'm a server in a corporate restaurant. It's a couple months after all of those exciting holidays...so when people actually do decide they are going to eat out, they don't tip well. Why? Because they really don't have the money to spend. I bust my rump to ensure these people delicious meals, and a great experience and what can I show for my hard work? About $3 a table. About $150 a week. I'm sorry, but that does not pay my bills, feed me, or allow me gas money to get to work and school all week. There are times I've had to sacrifice going to class because I can't afford to get there. How is that fair?

I keep trying to look up and remind myself that when I graduate, I will get a real job and will be making real money. However, has anyone taken a look at our economy? In this day and age, nothing can assure my financial stability, even when I do have my degree. 

It's a rather depressing matter, that I've been contemplating for quite some time.

I appreciate the wonderful people I have in my life that's helped me to get by. Without you all, I would be a mess. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

 

Philosophy Of Life

For a class assignment, I was asked to write a brief essay describing my philosophy of education. This took me back a bit, because yes, while I am studying to be a teacher, I haven't really sat down and considered the opinions I have formed or the views and theories in which I believe. I sat down and thought really hard about the task at hand. Thank goodness my professor included some sample ideas to help get me started. I am also really glad that my mother has been a teacher for twenty eight years. Both of these ladies, really helped this assignment bloom. I made a perfect score on the assignment, however, it caused me to dive a little deeper in to the whole philosophical perspective of life. How would one lead and ideal life style. I've found the answer to be quite simple.

Respect should be the foundation to any environment, home, school or work related. When respected by adults and peers, I bet, everyone is more likely to complete tasks and cooperate with the people around them. Respect is not something that is simply handed out like candy. Respect must be earned. Through the compilation of respect, trust is born. Without trust, there is no base for any type of relationship.

Respect and Trust.


Look at those two words. Simple right? I bet you can even define them if I asked you to. These two words and their corresponding actions and the emotions they evoke are taken for granted too often in this day and age. Everyone should stop and really think about the people they respect and trust, and likewise, the people that respect and trust them. You can clearly evaluate for yourself, how low humanity's standards of a decent person has fallen. Just because someone respects and trusts you doesn't not mean you are allowed to treat them poorly, either to their face or not. If you do take advantage of those of us that do have it figured out, then expect to be treated the exact same way. Respect and trust should be taken very seriously.

Basically, it boils down to the infamous golden rule, "Treat others the way you would like to be treated."

Given all that little rant, I must mourn the loss of my General Manager at my current job. He has taken a position at another business and will be leaving very soon. I'm devastated. By a show of hands, who remembers when I left this job the first time? Okay, I'll tell you. My anxiety got way out of control. I didn't feel comfortable or appreciated and it caused serious issues. Out of the kindness of his heart J allowed me the chance to come back and work for him again. Here's why I went back: J respects me for who I am and what I do. Because of that respect I perform my job a better. In the history of my having a job, J is the only manager I've ever had to appreciate my work verbally and frequently. I trust his judgement and decisions. I can honestly tell you, he is the best person to work for. He is the reason I came crawling back. I missed be treated like a person. I'm heartbroken. However, I respect his decision. It really isn't any of my business, but I trust that he's making the right choice for himself.

Respect and trust has gotten me where I am today. Respect for myself, my peers, my mentors has taught me so much about myself. I hope that in the future, I am able to radiate that respect and trust that so many have shown to me. So there ya go, my philosophy on life.

...Well, kind of.

Alright

Here lately, I've been completely unmotivated. I do not know what has gotten into me. I am not by any means depressed or sad. I'm just so, so, so tired of school. It's like as soon as I get a break, I'm right back at the grind again.

I've got to snap out of it. The semester is now in full swing. I've got to get some stuff done. Thankfully, this week, I have a three day weekend. I have class tomorrow and Saturday, but Sunday, I have the whole day to get ahead in my classes. I just have to bite the bullet.

"Don't worry, about a thing. 'Cause every little thing is gonna be alright." - Bob Marley

Regrets

“As you grow older, you’ll find that the only things you regret are the things you didn’t do.”   --Zachary Scott

I do not want to have regrets. There are so many things I want to do before I get older and settle down and start a family. I want to experience different people and different places. I want to share my experiences with my closest loved ones. I want to celebrate my life and expand my knowledge. What's even more inspiring is that I know I can do all the things I want to do. I know I must finish the part of my life I am in, and I am very thankful and excited to be exactly where I am today. I simply want to live a little more and I feel like this future is sneaking up on me quicker than I thought. I am very impelled.  I'm afriad I will regret not travelling and seeing the world. I've set my mind on seeing the rest of the United States, as well as other countries. I want to visit Europe and the Carribean. I would love to go to Polynesia or Japan. Oh yeah. I want to experience the people and the culture first hand. I have gathered all this information in college and feel like if I traveled, the knowledge I gain in this chapter of my life will be sustained through first hand experience. After all through experience is how we all learn the lessons we remember best. I am inspired to make a list of all the things I want to accomplish in my life. But I will leave that to another post. 

My Cat

My previous blog was about babies, so this one shall be about my baby. Do not be mistaken! I have not and will not be giving birth to a child! I am only speaking of my kitty. He is a large solid white cat. He has long soft white fur, and a big head with huge green eyes. I am not sure of his breed, but simply describing him does him absolutely no justice.

See what I mean? But this isn't the best, you cannot see his tail. It looks like a quill. Skinny near his body and big and fluffy at the end. I haven't got a good picture, and he is no where to be found now, so this will do.

I can honestly say, he is one of the coolest cats I know. His personality is fantastic. He's quirky. Sometimes he is crazy, running up and down the hall; jumping from each piece of furniture in the living room. Other times, he is relaxed and loving. He is very sweet, when he wants to be. He doesn't like new people. It takes some time for him to get used to you, which is weird. The female cats I've had were always very loving toward anyone. But once he warms up to you, he shows himself.

This Christmas shall be interesting. He is coming with us to my mom and dad's. He's never left this apartment. He's never met another animal (except for Nina, our Super Pet, RIP). I am excited to see his reaction to the world. Ah! It'll be great!

Anyway, wish Loki well on his big, new adventure! Let's hope we don't lose him in the snow. Haha

Babies

I have a paper due on the fifteenth. As a pose to writing it as I had planned this evening, I am sitting on my couch, Facebook stalking my friends (and family for that matter). Now, I'm not really a creepy person, but I miss people and generally get curious as to what is going on in their lives. Since everyone (and their brother) seems to have a Facebook account these days and broadcasts everything about themselves on it, why not have a little peek? If they didn't want me to read and/or look at their stuff, then they shouldn't have posted it online.

Anyway, in stalking past classmates, I have determined that instead of piercing your belly button as we did in high school, ladies my age are into having babies. Yes, babies are cute and cuddly and fun to play with, until they start crying, pooping, and slobbering everywhere. And once you birth your own, the luxury of calling momma over to take the messy little bundle of joy away, completely disappears. You've gotta deal with that little person for the rest of your life. Apparently every one of my female peers seems to think caring for and taking responsibility for someone else's life is just like playing house.

Having a baby, is not like playing house. They eat a lot (which takes money). They poop a lot, which takes diapers (which takes money). They do sleep a lot, but not for long periods of time. They grow fast, needing new clothes constantly (which takes money). They develop into little people and start wanting toys (which takes money). Do you kind of see where I am headed with this? Babies are expensive, and being a child of a couple of great parents, I know, parents never completely stop helping their children out financially.

The money thing, I can handle. It's the emotional drain that I'm terrified of. I can hardly keep my thoughts straight, how in the world am I supposed to help a kid figure out his/her thoughts? I don't even know where to begin to aid in my child's mental development. I'm scared I'll do something completely wrong and royally screw up my kid for the rest of it's life. Just that deep, incredible responsibility is just absolutely too much for me to even wrap my mind around; I can't even really put it in to words.

If I'm not ready, how can my peers be ready?

Some time in the future, yes, I do plan on having a couple of kids. But not for a very long time and not after thorough consideration. I know that children light up the lives of their parents and one can never know unconditional love until they know the love of their child. Honestly, I can't wait for that. However, my rational, practical mind is telling me otherwise. So, I will achieve all that I can in reaching that next chapter of my life. Hopefully by the time I get there, I'll be ready.